WHAT THIS MEANS TO YOU

29/08/12

im supposed to be sleeping as i was up really early (6.45) thats in the morning not the night (im not a lap dancer working the graveyard shift). 

i was just about to go to sleep and started crying. 
Not in a woe is me kind of way but in a way that i feel lonely and darkness isn't fun on your own. 

I have had a few emails from people over the last few days telling me what this blog means to them in terms of losing someone and from what i can ascertain, a lot of it boils down the same thing. 

No matter who it is you have lost, your child, (God forbid), Your brother, sister, Aunt, uncle, Grandparent, the rules are the same. 

THERE SIMPLY ARE NONE!!.

No one knows what to do. 

Some people can maybe relate to some of the stuff I'm going through because in their own way, grief is different for everyone. 

I can't say i know how they feel if they tell me they lost someone because i dont know. I don't know how someone feels about their brother, or their aunt. We all have blood running through our veins and we all hurt. 

Here's a couple of sad tunes to mateh my feelings tonight

LOOOOOOh and one just for laughs

Its a strange world this blogging one, because its like im spending my evenings talking to myself.  

If you know me personally, you will know this is not how i act in person. I dont feel lost and cry constantly, (most of the time but not constantly) yet on here i feel like the most miserable person in the world.

Someone told me after reading this i was a 'wee soul." Im not, im just grieving, like millions of others, IM just more vocal and less graceful about it. 

`We are going to a MIchael Mcintyre gig in November and me, being me, have to be 'out there' so i emailed his agent and asked if we could meet him

Its just for kicks. Of course we are not going to get to meet him but it gave me a wee laugh to write it and they will think WTF when they get it. 

Have posted the email below 

hiya, 

sorry to bother you, well I suppose its your job to read these emails, 'like when someone calls me at work and says sorry to bother you and i say 'Well they give me money to sit here.' 

So I suppose its the same kind of thing. 

Pleading to your better nature and I bet you are the powers that be, I wonder if i could ask a favour, the kind of favour that you probably get all the time, and that , if this was a bit of paper you would chuck it in the bin. 

My teenage son and I are going to see the wonderful Michael in November 5th at the  Glasgow and i don't know how possible it is to get an autograph or something at the time. 

Obviously everyone likes the bouncy haired genius, but we love him more. haha. 

Anyway a bit of background to sway your decision and maybe pass on to him, if he ever gets to see this email.

I lost my 32 year old brother the same way Michael's dad passed and reading that part in his book always has me in tears. I am trying to cope with it, after he died last year and have been writing a blog. 

Anyway my son has found his death very hard to deal with and part of this healing process is going to do things with the fact that Scott, my brother loved Michael, and we also went to Cuba as that's where he went on his honeymoon. 

Sorry i'm going the wrong direction. 

My son is hilarious and this would mean the world to him. I can't say we deserve anything more than anyone else but we would appreciate something.

Even a bit of paper with his name scribbled on it, ill even give you mine in return haha. I once paid a fiver for Marti Pellow's when i was 12 (might use that as chip paper now though),

To leave you with a funny thought, a group of our friends will be sitting next to us and my friends 21 year old son has Golden Har Syndrome, where he is missing an ear and wears a hearing aid amongst other things. 

I did ask his mum, 'Will be able to hear ok if we are on the right side of the stage (Block MM) as he hears from his left ear.)

His mother says "Wouldn't it be funny if we positioned him with that ear nearest the stage so he would have to face the audience.

Can you imagine how funny that would be if you were trying to watch Michael and this awkward kid in front of you was just staring at you behind him and smiling? hahaha it made me laugh anyway. 

Thanks for reading, if you bothered , and thanks in advance. 

I don't expect anything but it would make our year after such an awful one last year. 

Thanks a lot love

(ps even a response saying Piss off would be great so I know someone had actually read it??? cheers )""

Some of it is not historically accurate but hey, i reckon if that landed on my desk on a monday morning, I might give them a shot !!!!