IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPEN....WASN'T IT
26/08/12
NOthing is bigger than you.
Nothing is bigger than your life.
For a lot of people its treading water, and waiting for life to start but its already going on around you and you're missing it. i'm missing it.
It's exhausting trying to think of things to do all the time to fill up space and im knackered when i didnt think this is how my life would be.
I know some people don't get the bond i had with my brother and thats fine, i probably wouldnt understand it if i didnt own it myself but the fact is that its there, whether other people like it or not.
What we went through as toddlers, whether i remember it or not, has left a scar on me because i know it happened.
My childhood was wonderful, dont get me wrong. Absolutely wonderful. You couldnt have got better parents than the ones i ended up with.
What amazing people. I dont say that in a schamltzy american sitcom way but in a genuine, loving way.
MY mother was born to be a mother, and nature didnt happen for her so she got us.
She made curtains, birthday cakes every birthday, gave juice to my friends when they came over, carted us to Girls Bridgade (me, not my brother, he went to the boys one haha).
My dad was the worker, but was home by 6pm every night, like a regular 2.4 children family, the family they always wanted and tried for years to get, we were the lucky ones plucked out of Easterhouse to be with them.
If they hadn';t i dont know where we would have been now.
Yes my brother has died but would he have died a lot younger if we hadn't.
Maybe he was always going to die of a heart attack, it was posssibly pre destined but my parents made his life a lot happier before it did happen.
I feel like crying just now, i honestly feel like this stuff is heart wrenching and its draining writing about it but having the personality i have, its something i need to do
I cant get it out any other way.
i cant be like people who cope by drinking, talking to strangers or pretending it didnt happen.
It did happen, holy fuck i wish it hadn't.
NOthing is bigger than you.
Nothing is bigger than your life.
For a lot of people its treading water, and waiting for life to start but its already going on around you and you're missing it. i'm missing it.
It's exhausting trying to think of things to do all the time to fill up space and im knackered when i didnt think this is how my life would be.
I know some people don't get the bond i had with my brother and thats fine, i probably wouldnt understand it if i didnt own it myself but the fact is that its there, whether other people like it or not.
What we went through as toddlers, whether i remember it or not, has left a scar on me because i know it happened.
My childhood was wonderful, dont get me wrong. Absolutely wonderful. You couldnt have got better parents than the ones i ended up with.
What amazing people. I dont say that in a schamltzy american sitcom way but in a genuine, loving way.
MY mother was born to be a mother, and nature didnt happen for her so she got us.
She made curtains, birthday cakes every birthday, gave juice to my friends when they came over, carted us to Girls Bridgade (me, not my brother, he went to the boys one haha).
My dad was the worker, but was home by 6pm every night, like a regular 2.4 children family, the family they always wanted and tried for years to get, we were the lucky ones plucked out of Easterhouse to be with them.
If they hadn';t i dont know where we would have been now.
Yes my brother has died but would he have died a lot younger if we hadn't.
Maybe he was always going to die of a heart attack, it was posssibly pre destined but my parents made his life a lot happier before it did happen.
I feel like crying just now, i honestly feel like this stuff is heart wrenching and its draining writing about it but having the personality i have, its something i need to do
I cant get it out any other way.
i cant be like people who cope by drinking, talking to strangers or pretending it didnt happen.
It did happen, holy fuck i wish it hadn't.
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