TICK TICK TICK BOOM
30/09/2012
Yo back up now and give a brother room. Mercy mercy mercy me, my life is a cage but on stage im free.
This weekend, in fact this whole last week in general has been a minefield and has tested my strength to the limit.
I dont think i have any left.
Ive seen fights, actually fights is a loose term. One fight was so awful, i thought the guy was a goner.
It reiterates to me what we, as a race, do to each other. Life is cheap to far too many people and that in a way is desperately sad.
I cant go into too much detail and im sorry for the vagueness but those who know me would understand.
I am thinking a lot about Budsie in the past few weeks and how much I miss him.
IN a fight like that, where it was not possible for me not to be involved, and had to help break it up, people i care about got hurt, in a pub, and where usually I have seen so many fights and they affect you but you dont let it get to you, i couldnt stand it on friday and the tears came,
It was a culmination of the weeks happenings and i think that was a final straw.
I cried and cried.and i thought if Scott had been there, he would have protected me.
I have no one to protect me now.
ANyone who has a big brother knows that that is their role.
That is what they're for.
And that is what he was for my whole life.
Sometimes i get so tired the way that anything that happens in my life comes back to the fact ive lost him but for something as huge as what happened to him and what it means, i guess thats always what its always going to come back to.
The fact that i dont have him anymore.
I also realise that eventually people are going to tire of this too but i genuinely don't care.
I dont care if someone gets annoyed that i miss my brother and that he went because it is the saddest and most devastating that has ever and hopefully, will ever happen to me.
Life is full of defining moments, and this is one of them for me.
YOu have them too, and i am honest here, when i say that although i care about them for you and for your life, they dont affect my life because they are YOUR moments, just as Budsie's goneness doesn't affect your life.
I guess this is where empathy comes in.
As cheap as life sometimes feels to a great many people, we all have to care about each other to a certain extent or there would be nothing to give it any worth
Yo back up now and give a brother room. Mercy mercy mercy me, my life is a cage but on stage im free.
This weekend, in fact this whole last week in general has been a minefield and has tested my strength to the limit.
I dont think i have any left.
Ive seen fights, actually fights is a loose term. One fight was so awful, i thought the guy was a goner.
It reiterates to me what we, as a race, do to each other. Life is cheap to far too many people and that in a way is desperately sad.
I cant go into too much detail and im sorry for the vagueness but those who know me would understand.
I am thinking a lot about Budsie in the past few weeks and how much I miss him.
IN a fight like that, where it was not possible for me not to be involved, and had to help break it up, people i care about got hurt, in a pub, and where usually I have seen so many fights and they affect you but you dont let it get to you, i couldnt stand it on friday and the tears came,
It was a culmination of the weeks happenings and i think that was a final straw.
I cried and cried.and i thought if Scott had been there, he would have protected me.
I have no one to protect me now.
ANyone who has a big brother knows that that is their role.
That is what they're for.
And that is what he was for my whole life.
Sometimes i get so tired the way that anything that happens in my life comes back to the fact ive lost him but for something as huge as what happened to him and what it means, i guess thats always what its always going to come back to.
The fact that i dont have him anymore.
I also realise that eventually people are going to tire of this too but i genuinely don't care.
I dont care if someone gets annoyed that i miss my brother and that he went because it is the saddest and most devastating that has ever and hopefully, will ever happen to me.
Life is full of defining moments, and this is one of them for me.
YOu have them too, and i am honest here, when i say that although i care about them for you and for your life, they dont affect my life because they are YOUR moments, just as Budsie's goneness doesn't affect your life.
I guess this is where empathy comes in.
As cheap as life sometimes feels to a great many people, we all have to care about each other to a certain extent or there would be nothing to give it any worth
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