LIFE MOVES ON AROUND YOU
12/09/12
Stand still while everyone else moves.
People all around me are moving on, marriage, babies, i am still standing here.
Its like the movies in New York when the pop star is standing in the middle of Times Square and everything is fast paced around but you're just dizzy like a blur.
I feel like i have lost so much time, both with grief and maybe just with wasting time.
Theres a lot of things I dont remember from last year, like we went on Holiday to Turkey from Newcastle and i dont remember driving to Newcastle, or getting to turkey.
I remember being there but not actually getting there. I WISH WE hadnt gone, was such a waste of money.
THis is a picture of me from Turkey last year, dont really remember it being taken.
Its strange how it does that to you, just blocks out stuff.
Stand still while everyone else moves.
People all around me are moving on, marriage, babies, i am still standing here.
Its like the movies in New York when the pop star is standing in the middle of Times Square and everything is fast paced around but you're just dizzy like a blur.
I feel like i have lost so much time, both with grief and maybe just with wasting time.
Theres a lot of things I dont remember from last year, like we went on Holiday to Turkey from Newcastle and i dont remember driving to Newcastle, or getting to turkey.
I remember being there but not actually getting there. I WISH WE hadnt gone, was such a waste of money.
THis is a picture of me from Turkey last year, dont really remember it being taken.
Its strange how it does that to you, just blocks out stuff.
Even now, im 31, I dont know how i got to this age.
Reisse's dad is going to become a father for the second time with someone else in a couple of months, and although im not sad about tthat, i dont think so anyway, im happy for reisse as he always wanted to be a big brother, it is bittersweet that our marriage didnt work and we didnt be the 2.4 children family.
I always wanted children, plural.
I dont think ill ever get to have another one now, I cant see it happening.
So reisse gets to become a brother while mine is gone now.
HIs happiness means the world to me but how ill deal with it when it happens is another story.
I know my reaction is not whats important, but i just feel like im wallowing maybe and this is one more thing to wallow about.
I just feel like I need to have something to look forward to.
I seem incapable of forming relationships too.
Maybe its my confidence going downhill but if someone asks me out, i cant understand why. I dont say that so that people will tell me im not bad, i genuinely mean, why would they want to go out with me.
I think i have that body dysmorphia thing, you know when people look in the mirror and see a monster, haha.
ISSUES, DAMAGED, call it what you like, i am what i am as Gloria Gaynor says.
I cant change it. I would like my life to be easier, to have fulfilment but I dont know what it is i think would fill it for me now.
I cant change it. I would like my life to be easier, to have fulfilment but I dont know what it is i think would fill it for me now.
i kind of give up.
I dont know what im waiting for to happen,
i read a poem once about waiting for something to happen when you really should just be getting on with your life.
Whats the point in waiting till youve lost weight, saved money etc
should you just do it?
At the end of the day though, if you're not comfortable with yourself, you cant expect someone else to be comfortable with you.
What are we waiting for?
What is going to happen next?
So what do i do? Anyone got any nice single pals? haha.
Im sure this quote is below, it might be the one im thinking of
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