GETTING BACK TO ME!!!

Hi to everyone reading this whoever you are.  Have made a video above to welcome all the anonymities.  The internet's a funny place, a place we can all hide, make up what we want and be who we want to be. I'm far too transparent to try that. The truth is all I speak. Im not strong enough to be an imposter of myself.  Wonder who invented the internet, would it be ironic if i googled to find out?? haha. Be back in a second. ...... TIM BERNERS-LEE I salute you Mr Lee. Absolute genius.  The internet can bring people together, for instance it can help shy people (not that i have this problem) reconnect with social groups they are scared of, everntually integrating themselves to become one of a larger entity.  Family, who live apart can bond ,even living thousands of miles away.  For me, posting on my brothers Facebook page makes me feel like he's not gone and that maybe he's reading it, sitting in Perth in a cosy flat. Every day i leave 3 little lo...

20/08/12 23.38 Drove home tonight and literally sobbed all the way. The grief hit me like a steel freight train, right in the pit of my stomach.Some days, I can be totally fine, I think of him every day of course I do, but the tears tend to trail down my face and then stop every day but today I couldn't breathe.  I miss him, I miss my brother.  Some days I think people are probably thinking, 'God after 15 months, get over it!!' Maybe they're not, but in my paranoid head, I think they do. Question is, do I care? Of course not.To certain extent I want to avoid boring people with talk of him but the bond we had won't go away.The day it does is the day I stop walking this earth.  My heart broke that day. I could feel it shatter.  It has shaped my life and the person who is writing this at this very moment. 01/01/12 Dear Budsie,  desperately heartbroken my darling. Im tired of trying to be chirpy and post things on your Facebook page that say im getti...

19/08/12   21.26 Sunday morning, up with the lark, think i'll take a walk in the park....la la la.  Thats Beautiful Sunday, if you're not sure of the song.  Today Reisse and i went on an adventure on a train. I dont really use public transport anymore, not because i'm a snob but because I have a car.  But coupled with the price of petrol and the fact Reisse got free because it was Beautiful Sunday, we went on our jaunt. We got talking to the ticket inspector and reisse told him once he had  burger, pizza, onion rings and chips for his dinner once at Mr Basra's. Ticket guy said that didn't sound too bad to him. A bit of people watching is always brilliant in Glasgow. There's an array of entertainers in the streets and i love Glasgow. I love the atmosphere, it's where i was born.  Young boys were break dancing, as in busking which was amazing because the four of them were obviously mortified but had the banter with each other, and took...

17/08/12 10.51 ONCE  when i was finishing work, and tidying wires, this woman came up to me who had been in the pub all night. She had been getting drunk with her husband and had got up and sung 'All That Jazz." I didnt pay her much attention, she was not that noticeable, didn't particularly stand out form the crowd so it took me aback when she came up to me. Dont get me wrong, im used to people coming up to me to say they've had a good night etc but she walked up and said "Someones coming for you.!" I think my puzzled face must have given away the fact I didnt have a clue what she was talking about. I thought she was meaning her mates were coming to get me haha.  Anyway she said "someones coming for you, I know you've lost someone and he was great but ive been watching you for the past half hour and i know youre miserable inside. I feel like you would benefit from what i have to tell you. I havent felt the need to tell anyone something for a lo...

16/08/12 19.23 I didnt write this today, but am writing it off the cuff and putting it down here. I didnt put it in my journal so ill copy it in later. I am undecided about the afterlife. In my hopes and dreams I am desperate to see my brother again and my dad seems convinced that, when we all get where we are going, those we loved here, we will love there too. Love is enduring so they say. Love is the stuff of the soul, and it doesn't disintegrate with the body when we leave. My parents, who are religious, coped with my brothers passing by saying his body was a vessel, and that is the only thing thats gone. The spirit and life he had in him, still floats around. I hope it doesnt when im having a shower thought haha. The thing about is, that we are never going to know until we get there and veen then, we can't give anyone a heads up.I think way too much about things like this, and i always was a bit morbid but it fascinates me. Like that film Flatliners when they try ...

16/08/12          17.59 When you think of it, we spend most of our week with people we get paid to stand beside rather than people we would stand beside for free. Ie work colleagues. I probably wouldnt need paid to stand beside my son or my mother for instance. Don't get me wrong, im not going to burst into a Sound of Music tra la la I love My Work Colleagues song and dance but I will say they are generally funny people and we get through the day by having a laugh. (Some are tossers though!!!) PIctured below are 3 of them who were dying to be in this blog. I mean Michael (that's the boy one), actually begged, and offered me a banana. Thats not a euphemism for something else. He was the butt of our jokes today and if you knew you would find that hilarious because he has a BUTT you could rest a pint on. Unfortunately for him, he said he had a belly you could rest a wine glass. I don't know how that would work unless you waddled like a duck as surely if y...

15/08/12  09.09 What i wrote to digressed from sad, to dancing around any sort of point. A lot of strange things happened to me after I lost Budsie, and although i dont remember a lot of certain bits of last year, certain bits stick out for me. They say when paranormal things happen, a lot of it tends to involve electricity. In that space of that week I had 2 ipods break, my hairdryer and straighteners stop working and my phone overheated for no reason. Due to my work at the weekend and for something to do in desperation, I needed my ipod and as it was only 2 months for some inexplicable reason, I drove to the apple store in the week between losing my brother and his funeral. I had an appointment but I couldn't park. I found a space in St Vincent street pointing down the way but couldnt maneouvre the car into. I was freaking out and becamse hysterical. I spotted a business man across the road, left my car in the middle of the road and ran over to him shouting "Please h...