GETTING BACK TO ME!!!

..............BUT NAH IM NOT.  12/09/12 For the last few days, I can't stop thinking about Budsie. Its maybe because I feel so guilty because ive been busy and he hasnt been the forefront of my mind but my mind is clearing of the fog over the last few weeks and the grief is physically painful.  When is it going to get easier to breathe?  For a long time I felt stupid and the more time goes on, i feel like I should be moving on more and missing him less but that's not the way it goes.  THere isn't going to be a time when i miss you less, Budsie.  My memories are coming back to me, for a long time, some were blocked out as a coping mechanism but now with a vengeance they are forcing their way back in.  It's an agonising feeling.  Last night at the SCotland footie game I took Reisse too, it emphasised they void my brother has left with me. They played Loch Lomond loudly, and Caledonia at the end.  Loch lomond was played at his weddin...

10/09/2006 SORRY HAVE been neglecting this,but have a lot to say, just not tonight.  Was a bit down the last few days, not for any particular reason but tiredness doesnt help. It makes you impatient and my cat is running round and round the house so fast in the dark just now, he actually fell over.  Have tickets to the Scotland vs Macedonia game tomorrow night so me and Reisse are looking forward to that. Sorry, Reisse and I (for the grammar police).  Finding life hard, so difficult just now for various reasons that i wont go into but by Wednesday night i should be in a better mood and be able to get back to being my usual self. Apologies.  I actually feel like saying sorry for apologising.  Ill tell you more on wednesday but ill leave you with a video, cos i have just got tickets for this guy. FANTABULOUS 

11/01/11 Reisse was doing a report on Stirling BAttle in HIstory and had written a big long report as an eyewitness account saying "I was watching William Wallace, riding into battle and his face was covered in blue paint." Then he said "Oops sorry I better rewrite that, thats the plot from Braveheart!" 07/01/10 Me and Jaclyn were talking about this guy that wanted to go out with me and she said ""oooh you should do it. ' i said "I know,I need it, like a flower needs the rain." She says " aye your flower needs the rain!!" 09/11/10 Amy and I went to a Sally Buxton psychic night and Amy said "How come she only ever gets messages from dead people?' 09/11/10 reisse and i were going on a road trip, and i said to him, "Go and find out how much the Dunoon ferry is?" So he goes off and comes running and back then falls over and says ""OOh i hurt my knee!" and shows me a wee scratch. fifteen min...

04/09/12 I feel like a laugh tonight and as ive been keeping journals my whole life, here is a selection from the last journal  20/10/09 X FACTOR. I said to Reisse that Leon Jackson (he used to love him, you might need to google) wasnt bringing out another album because no one bought the first one. Reisse looks horrified and said "Well I bought it!!!' I was laughing and said "Well just because you bought it isnt going to keep his record label afloat you know!" 28/10/09 EYES!! Reisse and I were lying on the sofa and i said "awww You have my eyes!' He was all smiling and said "Aw thats cute isnt It?" I shouted, "NO GIVE ME THEM BACK!!!' 13/01/10 JAMES CORDON Reisse loves James Cordon who's in Gavin and Stacey and says "I really honestly love James Cordon, he always seems to get into wacky adventures!" 27/01/10 JACLYN AND THE DRESS Jac was in Newcastle and couldnt get her dress zipped up so she phoned me drunk from...

04/09/12 I love this poem, I read it a lot and it sometimes makes me feel better about things. It feels like you're indestructible. Mind you , we are not.  I always thought my big brother was......he wasn't  Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.  William Ernest Henley

THIS IS A THE BEGINNINGS OF A SHORT STORY THAT I STARTED BACK IN 2008. IM REWRITING IT FROM AN OLD JOURNAL AND SORRY IF ITS CRAP BUT I HAVENT READ IT SINCE.  04/09/12 (Back from 31/03/08) 'What colour are your pants?' and "Have you ever kissed a woman?' In the odd world of internet dating, these are the 'witty first emails of the single men of the world all trying to bag themselves a mate.  In what world exactly, i find myself wondering, do these lines impress any women?  Obviously some of them must work because the majority these 'charmers' and i use the term loosely, had been viewed over a thousand times each.  My profile sat at a measly 326 views, but to be fair, my photo was a safe one, all straight brown hair and a slight smirk.  THis internet dating lark is partly an experiment as a last ditch attempt  to avoid watching any more episodes of The Simpsons on my own while eating copious amounts of Weightwatchers Chicken Curry.  So i joi...

04/09/12 Jaclyn and I went for a drive and for dinner last night and were talking about how to two of us are going to be single forever.  Neither of us have really had a serious boyfriend in the five and half years we have known each other, but thats mostly through choice.  I dont think i could ever get someone to wise up to me. A lot of people don't understand my sense of humour. I know some people think "WTF" haha, or maybe tell me to use my 'inside voice."  Im not the easiest to understand, I like debates, arguments, passion, chubby hairy men, and men taller than me with their own teeth.  For some reason, I can never find anyone who can drive or ever have credit in their phone either. Its not that im fussy, maybe i am, but i simply do not want a boyfriend.  Just as well cos im Goddam ugly anyway. I remember a guy texting once and asked what i was up to. I said "Watching Glee and cutting my toenails." NO reply!!! Shocker.  I used to be m...