FORGET ABOUT IT
13/10/12
been thinking a lot this week about my brother and things are falling apart around me.
I thought i was getting better there for a while, not thinking every single second about him and not crying every day but then i realised that the only reason that i wasnt was because i wasnt letting myself.
Its too painful
No rule book exists for this kind of thing. Because you never think it will happen to you.
Not just death of someone close to you but anything bad.
Yeah you can read about it in Take a Break and think "thats a shame" but its sympathy mixed with relief because its something you will never have to deal with.
Thats the way i felt, and it is easy to put the person who died on a pedestal because they're gone but remembering the times when they did your head in is essential because thats what shaped the relationship you had.
My brother wasn't perfect. He lied a lot. But it was funny and stupid lies mostly.
We went on a cruise ship when we were 12 and 14 and he put on an Irish accent the whole time and told everyone he was adopted and i wasnt.
When i told them it wasnt true, they all thought i was a liar.
But when he comes back into my head, its so painful that the easiest way to deal with it is to block it out.
I swear to god i hope i never have to go to another funeral in my life. it was so traumatising.
It haunts me, it honestly does.
Often these days im sitting at work and feel his hand on my back.
Its not of course but it comforts me to think that it might be.
He always gave me horrible shoulder rubs and was that strong it was agony haha.
THats what it feels like now. i put my hand up to join his when its resting on my back.
THey're not gone......contrary to what anyone else says
LOVE IS ENDURING
been thinking a lot this week about my brother and things are falling apart around me.
I thought i was getting better there for a while, not thinking every single second about him and not crying every day but then i realised that the only reason that i wasnt was because i wasnt letting myself.
Its too painful
No rule book exists for this kind of thing. Because you never think it will happen to you.
Not just death of someone close to you but anything bad.
Yeah you can read about it in Take a Break and think "thats a shame" but its sympathy mixed with relief because its something you will never have to deal with.
Thats the way i felt, and it is easy to put the person who died on a pedestal because they're gone but remembering the times when they did your head in is essential because thats what shaped the relationship you had.
My brother wasn't perfect. He lied a lot. But it was funny and stupid lies mostly.
We went on a cruise ship when we were 12 and 14 and he put on an Irish accent the whole time and told everyone he was adopted and i wasnt.
When i told them it wasnt true, they all thought i was a liar.
But when he comes back into my head, its so painful that the easiest way to deal with it is to block it out.
I swear to god i hope i never have to go to another funeral in my life. it was so traumatising.
It haunts me, it honestly does.
Often these days im sitting at work and feel his hand on my back.
Its not of course but it comforts me to think that it might be.
He always gave me horrible shoulder rubs and was that strong it was agony haha.
THats what it feels like now. i put my hand up to join his when its resting on my back.
THey're not gone......contrary to what anyone else says
LOVE IS ENDURING
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