YES MAN
14/11/12
Ever see that film Yes Man?
Jim Carrey is challenged to say Yes to everything because he was so miserable and never said yes to anything.
Maybe i should do that.
For so long I have missed out on everything.
I think as ive said before theres a lot i have forgotten since Budsie went. Whole weeks and maybe months went past when i honestly couldnt tell you. Fragments maybe but certainly not full minutes or hours.
I was in a happy place before his death tore us apart. Reisse and i had our little bubble, I was at Weightwatchers and doing not bad with that, we had money, and reisse said "Our lives happy just now isnt' it?"
CALM BEFORE THE STORM, SPOKE TOO SOON.
Maybe im trying to capiture that happiness again, by recreating the exact scene except you cant because the vital part is gone, my heart, my brother.
He would probably be mortified me writing about him like this, but sometimes its easier to write about him in the biblical sense as if i thought of him as a literal person, imagined his face, his voice, his chunky wrists, it is too painful for me to take.
I wore his watch today.
I imagine him as though its a sad story and that the person im writing about isnt him. because then its real isnt it> THen he's really not coming back.
if i set apart my brothers death maybe i focus too much on it and have to make my life better for myself and achieve the things i want to achieve, i want to write, i want to be thinner, have better hair, more friends, a happy son, maybe find love one day.
All these things i would want as if i hadnt lost him.
Ever see that film Yes Man?
Jim Carrey is challenged to say Yes to everything because he was so miserable and never said yes to anything.
Maybe i should do that.
For so long I have missed out on everything.
I think as ive said before theres a lot i have forgotten since Budsie went. Whole weeks and maybe months went past when i honestly couldnt tell you. Fragments maybe but certainly not full minutes or hours.
I was in a happy place before his death tore us apart. Reisse and i had our little bubble, I was at Weightwatchers and doing not bad with that, we had money, and reisse said "Our lives happy just now isnt' it?"
CALM BEFORE THE STORM, SPOKE TOO SOON.
Maybe im trying to capiture that happiness again, by recreating the exact scene except you cant because the vital part is gone, my heart, my brother.
He would probably be mortified me writing about him like this, but sometimes its easier to write about him in the biblical sense as if i thought of him as a literal person, imagined his face, his voice, his chunky wrists, it is too painful for me to take.
I wore his watch today.
I imagine him as though its a sad story and that the person im writing about isnt him. because then its real isnt it> THen he's really not coming back.
if i set apart my brothers death maybe i focus too much on it and have to make my life better for myself and achieve the things i want to achieve, i want to write, i want to be thinner, have better hair, more friends, a happy son, maybe find love one day.
All these things i would want as if i hadnt lost him.
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