The most painful thing again
Here I am again.
I had long since abandoned this blog because it got me through the death of my brother without the. Use of counselling.
I haven't ever read it again, too painful but it got me on the sleepless nights when I had nightmares.
So now I'm back here to
Reprise my pain because I'm bereaved again.
My father passed away 6 days ago.
My dad.
My wonderful auld Boab.
My selfish grief stays with me and I can't see like I'm trying to.
I know I will get through the hazy days because I've done it before.
The heart is so strong and human courage does prevail to get you through situations you thought you could never ever cope with.
You just cope! You struggle, and agonise and tear yourself apart to the point where you can't stand the thought of getting up in the morning.
You get up, you breathe even though the one you adore doesn't anymore.
My family isn't that big.
It's dwindling down to nothing and I feel a huge amount of pressure.
I feel I have to be there for my mum,
My son,
I have I'm doing official grown up stuff when all I want is my dad,
Doesn't matter how old you are how much you expect to lose your parents, when this happens I literally feel like my heart is in the dirt.
Folk keep saying to
Me "you're so strong angela, you've dealt with it before!"
I don't want to be strong, I don't want to deal with it again.
I feel like I've been grieving for fucking years.
I feel like I still hadn't moved on enough to stop wearing my brothers watch and now I'm mourning my dad too:
Who's next!!!! How much more do you deal with?
Hearts are strong and will withstand agony but mine almost shattered like glass when scott died, my mum and dad helped me get through that,
The dads the constant isn't he? The standard head of the family, if you have money, if you want reassurance, for anything you go to dad.
I'm standing in a fog.....: again.
That's what this feels like.
IM Outgoing, I'm told I'm funny, but when I was alone earlier in a supermarket I couldn't breathe.
I'm coping around people but alone,
Especially driving I feel suffocated.
I can only account for how I feel.
My dad and I had a special relationship, we argued, we teased each other, we adored each other.
I'm
Back here again,
Missing another man I love.
My bereavement story is going to be a million pages long by the time I'm
Finished
I had long since abandoned this blog because it got me through the death of my brother without the. Use of counselling.
I haven't ever read it again, too painful but it got me on the sleepless nights when I had nightmares.
So now I'm back here to
Reprise my pain because I'm bereaved again.
My father passed away 6 days ago.
My dad.
My wonderful auld Boab.
My selfish grief stays with me and I can't see like I'm trying to.
I know I will get through the hazy days because I've done it before.
The heart is so strong and human courage does prevail to get you through situations you thought you could never ever cope with.
You just cope! You struggle, and agonise and tear yourself apart to the point where you can't stand the thought of getting up in the morning.
You get up, you breathe even though the one you adore doesn't anymore.
My family isn't that big.
It's dwindling down to nothing and I feel a huge amount of pressure.
I feel I have to be there for my mum,
My son,
I have I'm doing official grown up stuff when all I want is my dad,
Doesn't matter how old you are how much you expect to lose your parents, when this happens I literally feel like my heart is in the dirt.
Folk keep saying to
Me "you're so strong angela, you've dealt with it before!"
I don't want to be strong, I don't want to deal with it again.
I feel like I've been grieving for fucking years.
I feel like I still hadn't moved on enough to stop wearing my brothers watch and now I'm mourning my dad too:
Who's next!!!! How much more do you deal with?
Hearts are strong and will withstand agony but mine almost shattered like glass when scott died, my mum and dad helped me get through that,
The dads the constant isn't he? The standard head of the family, if you have money, if you want reassurance, for anything you go to dad.
I'm standing in a fog.....: again.
That's what this feels like.
IM Outgoing, I'm told I'm funny, but when I was alone earlier in a supermarket I couldn't breathe.
I'm coping around people but alone,
Especially driving I feel suffocated.
I can only account for how I feel.
My dad and I had a special relationship, we argued, we teased each other, we adored each other.
I'm
Back here again,
Missing another man I love.
My bereavement story is going to be a million pages long by the time I'm
Finished
Comments
Post a Comment