GETTING BACK TO ME!!!

"Sorry to hear your news, are you ok?" I don't wanna talk about it. I don't say that because I don't want to talk about my wonderful dad but I can't verbally express the pain without it being one mad ball of distress. I feel like I've been ok in the two weeks since dad passed away. Maybe I've been too ok because I had a phone call from someone dear to me today and I couldn't stop crying. I said to mum last week that I felt like I was taking dads passing a lot easier than Scott's and she said it's maybe because we had known dad was ill whereas Scott's death was abrupt and shocking. And that's where my guilt sets in:  why was one persons passing less distressing than another's. I was so completely in love with my dad and my brother that the fact I don't have the protectors is destroying me. I'm lost!! "I never dreamed you'd leave in summer!" - Michael jackson Why am I taking this so well? Why...

Here I am again. I had long since abandoned this blog because it got me through the death of my brother without the. Use of counselling. I haven't ever read it again, too painful but it got me on the sleepless nights when I had nightmares. So now I'm back here to Reprise my pain because I'm bereaved again. My father passed away 6 days ago. My dad. My wonderful auld Boab. My selfish grief stays with me and I can't see like I'm trying to. I know I will get through the hazy days because I've done it before. The heart is so strong and human courage does prevail to get you through situations you thought you could never ever cope with. You just cope! You struggle, and agonise and tear yourself apart to the point where you can't stand the thought of getting up in the morning. You get up, you breathe even though the one you adore doesn't anymore. My family isn't that big. It's dwindling down to nothing and I feel a huge amount of pressur...