GETTING BACK TO ME!!!

25/12/12  01:02 went to go to sleep after putting out reisse's presents and just sat on the couch looking at them.  I had a little cry for you, im not ashamed to admit. The missing you is agony.  WHy did you have to go?  Christmas Eve was our time when we were little. Mum and dad would always let us open each others presents to each other and that was the only one we were allowed to open.  I snuk into your cupboard a few times to peek at what you had bought me. Once you had bought me a ring binder with dolphins on it, when i was 12 and some used pencils haha.  You were angry cos i peeked, but gave me a chinese burn and smiled at my tears,  I wish my tears for you now were becuase you had hurt my arm. But they are for a much more painful reason.  Its so .......i dont even have a word just now Christmas without you is painful, in fact every day without you hurts.  Its only ok when you are not in my head, but one look at a ph...

12/12/12 Some say the world was supposed to end today. Some say its the 21st of December.  Some say it was last year, or the year 2000, etc etc etc.  Truth is, does it matter when its' going to end. It ends when it ends. Thats all.  Hope I'm not here to see it, and i hope no one else i love is either.  The world is full of superstition and people worry about things that havent happened and arent going to.  Whatever happens happens.  My life's been on hold for years, and everyone moves on. But i stand still like a static figure in Times Square.  There are things to look forward to but you have to create them first for yourselves.  I wish i could take my own advice. Coming up the Christmas, another Christmas without Budsie.  Coping is forgetting.  Some times its the only way i can get through a day is to put it out my mind.  I feel i have moved on a lot from when i started this blog though.  This time last y...